I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize