So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
