Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
