Screwed.edu
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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