gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
