dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
