and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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