party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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