Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
