My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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