I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
