All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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