I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize