i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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