Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you traded sex for a burrito?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
