Your dad touched me again.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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