Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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