I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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