I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
