Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
