is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
