I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She said her name was "party"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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