I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
