I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
