If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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