i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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