no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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