just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
