i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize