Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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