I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
