nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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