Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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