I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
