I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
