just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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