It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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