Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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