I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
