That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
