I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
