So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
