I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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