dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
