Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
