At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
