i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
honey bunches of taint.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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