she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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