What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
