I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
