I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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