When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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