guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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