By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i think my cat just said my name.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
