Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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