Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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