My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
