Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
