I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
