FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
