maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
