mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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