i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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