I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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