if you like me you must not know who I am
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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