So drunk its hurt
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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