I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
