Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
