Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
