u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
3 2 1 whiskey
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
