You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
