$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My pussy is not your playground.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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