I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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