Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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