come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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