Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
