U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
