Who did Billy Mays play for?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
