She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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