I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize