he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
