Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
