when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
