Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
