I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
