i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
